Quick Answer Many families spend months preparing for the baby but much less time preparing for the reality of postpartum life. Common things parents wish they had planned earlier include […]
Feeling overwhelmed by a crying baby does not mean you are doing anything wrong. Newborn crying can be intense, unpredictable, and sometimes difficult to soothe, even when a baby's needs have been met. If frustration begins to build, it is okay to place your baby safely on their back in an empty crib, bassinet, or other approved sleep space and step away briefly while you regain your composure. Never shake, hit, or handle a baby roughly, and reach out for help when you need it. If your baby's crying is unusual, persistent, or accompanied by signs of illness, contact your pediatric healthcare provider.
You've fed the baby.
Changed the diaper.
Burped them.
Rocked them.
Walked around the house.
Turned down the lights.
Tried another feeding.
And your baby is still crying.
For parents who have been awake for hours and are already physically and emotionally exhausted, persistent crying can become incredibly difficult to tolerate.
This is a part of newborn care that deserves to be discussed openly.
Sometimes babies cry even when loving, attentive parents have done everything they can think of.
And sometimes parents become overwhelmed.
Knowing what to do in those moments is an important part of keeping both babies and caregivers safe.
Crying is one of a newborn's primary forms of communication.
Babies may cry because they are:
Sometimes, however, there isn't an obvious reason.
A baby may be fed, dry, comfortable, held, and otherwise healthy and still continue crying.
That can be particularly difficult for parents because we naturally want to solve the problem.
But crying isn't always a problem that can immediately be solved.
Many parents aren't prepared for how much a healthy baby can cry.
Crying commonly increases during the first several weeks of life before gradually decreasing as babies mature.
The Period of PURPLE Crying® was developed to educate parents about this normal developmental stage.
PURPLE describes characteristics that may occur during this period, including crying that can be unpredictable, resist soothing, last for long periods, and occur more frequently in the evening.
Understanding that this pattern can occur in healthy babies can help parents recognize that persistent crying isn't necessarily caused by something they are doing incorrectly.
Source: National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome – Period of PURPLE Crying®
When your baby begins crying, first consider common needs.
Ask:
You can then try calming techniques such as:
Sometimes one technique works beautifully.
Sometimes nothing seems to work.
Both can happen with perfectly healthy babies.
One of the most important things for parents to understand is this:
You do not have to make the crying stop immediately.
Your job is to make sure your baby's needs are met and that they remain safe.
If your baby is safe, fed, changed, and showing no concerning signs of illness, continuing to cry for a period does not mean you need to endlessly cycle through increasingly desperate attempts to stop it.
Sometimes the safest response is simply to stay calm, remain present, and allow the moment to pass.
Persistent crying can trigger powerful emotions, particularly when combined with sleep deprivation.
You may notice yourself becoming:
Those feelings are your signal to change what you're doing.
Place your baby on their back in a safe, empty crib, bassinet, portable crib, or play yard and step away briefly.
Go into another room.
Drink some water.
Wash your face.
Take several slow breaths.
Text or call someone who can help.
Return when you feel calmer.
A baby crying safely in an appropriate sleep space for a few minutes is safer than being held by a caregiver who feels they are losing control.
No matter how frustrated you become, never shake a baby.
Babies have relatively large heads, weak neck muscles, and developing brains. Violent shaking or impact can cause serious brain injury, permanent disability, or death.
Abusive head trauma is preventable.
Everyone who cares for your baby should understand what to do if crying becomes overwhelming:
Put the baby somewhere safe and step away.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention provides information for parents and caregivers about abusive head trauma and strategies for preventing it.
Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention – About Abusive Head Trauma
Don't wait until you're exhausted at 3:00 a.m. to decide what you'll do when you've reached your limit.
Parents and caregivers can create a simple plan ahead of time.
For example:
If one parent becomes overwhelmed, the other takes over.
If both parents are exhausted, identify someone you can call.
If you're alone and becoming frustrated, place the baby somewhere safe and take a short break.
If you're regularly reaching your limit, consider bringing in additional support.
Planning ahead removes some of the decision-making from an already stressful moment.
A crying baby can feel very different after eight hours of sleep than after several weeks of fragmented sleep.
Exhaustion can affect:
This is one reason overnight support can be particularly valuable during the newborn period.
A partner, trusted family member, Newborn Care Specialist, or other appropriate support person can give parents opportunities for longer periods of rest.
Getting help before you're completely exhausted is often easier than trying to recover once you've reached that point.
Although crying is normal, parents should also trust their instincts when something seems different.
Contact your pediatric healthcare provider if you're concerned about your baby's crying, particularly when it is accompanied by symptoms such as:
For young infants, fever can require prompt medical evaluation. Follow your pediatrician's instructions regarding temperature thresholds and when to seek immediate care.
The American Academy of Pediatrics provides additional guidance on crying and when parents should contact their child's healthcare provider.
Source: American Academy of Pediatrics – HealthyChildren.org
Fact: Sometimes healthy babies continue crying despite appropriate soothing. Your ability to immediately stop crying is not a measure of your parenting ability.
Fact: Newborns aren't manipulating caregivers. Responding to their needs provides comfort and supports their developing sense of security.
Fact: If you're becoming extremely frustrated, placing your baby somewhere safe and briefly stepping away is a responsible safety strategy.
Fact: Caring for a newborn around the clock is demanding. Support can make an enormous difference, especially when parents are sleep deprived.
Watch for signs that your partner or another caregiver needs a break.
Instead of saying:
"What do you need?"
Try:
"I've got the baby. Go take a break."
If someone tells you they're reaching their limit, take them seriously.
Switch caregivers when possible.
Protect opportunities for sleep.
Reduce unnecessary responsibilities.
And avoid criticizing how overwhelmed someone feels.
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can provide isn't advice.
It's relief.
Families don't need to wait for a crisis before asking for additional support.
A professionally trained Newborn Care Specialist can provide experienced assistance during some of the most demanding hours of newborn care.
Depending on the family's needs, an NCS may assist with:
A Postpartum Doula may also support the broader family transition, including parental recovery, emotional support, education, and practical assistance.
The goal isn't to replace parents.
It's to make sure parents aren't expected to carry the entire newborn period alone.
When you've reached your limit:
Having a plan can help you respond safely when emotions are running high.
A crying newborn can make even the calmest, most prepared parent feel powerless.
You may know exactly what the parenting books say.
You may have tried every soothing technique.
And your baby may still cry.
Sometimes there isn't another trick to try.
Sometimes the most important thing you can do is make sure your baby is safe and recognize when you need a moment.
Parenting isn't measured by whether you can prevent every tear.
It's measured in thousands of moments of showing up, responding, learning, and knowing when to ask someone else to step in.
The crying will eventually become less frequent.
Your baby will develop new ways to communicate.
And you will become increasingly confident in understanding what they need.
Until then, remember that caring for the caregiver is part of caring for the baby.
The Newborn Care Solutions Agency is the only newborn care placement agency founded by an internationally accredited training provider. Based in Scottsdale, Arizona, we serve families nationwide by connecting them with rigorously vetted, professionally trained Newborn Care Specialists and Postpartum Doulas.
Our professionals provide experienced, evidence-based support during the demanding newborn and postpartum period. Whether families need overnight newborn care, help understanding newborn cues and behaviors, parent education, or simply the opportunity to get restorative sleep, our goal is to provide the support families need before exhaustion becomes overwhelming.
You don't have to wait until you're running on empty to ask for help.
For more information, visit The Newborn Care Solutions Agency or call (602) 695-6775.
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